I have a general advice question.
How does one best manage conflicting motivations between one and one's spouse in a two career search?
My spouse has a strong desire for family reasons to move to a particular area of the country, and has several promising job opportunities. My spouse just got a phone interview at one of them and has an unofficial, more casual interview invite at another - which is my spouse's dream position.
I on the other hand, have struck out on most if not all TT academic jobs in the region - and there are only so many. In fact, I was surprised that this many came up this year - which suggests that next year will be worse in this region. If my spouse gets the dream position, it will be hard not to have my spouse take it and then have me find a job nearby, which probably eliminates the academic route entirely and I will have to find and take an industry job. Frankly, we cannot afford to adjunct as one often makes so little that it would be better to stay home, take care of the kids, and avoid the crushing day care expenses. I do have some more tentative opportunities where we are located currently - including a real possibility but not certainty that I could get a career development grant - but my spouse's current position and opportunities are less attractive to my spouse and not what my spouse wants long-term (i.e., to move back to be near family). I would be happy staying here if possible and just traveling to see our families.
So while I am happy that my spouse has these opportunities, I have conflicting motivations because it means I might have to give up on academic psychology entirely. I suspect that my spouse has conflicting motivations about my current position/grant and her position due to this as well.
How does one avoid one spouse being resentful of the other because someone had to give up on a dream?