"Everything in moderation" is generally good advice for these types of issues. Asking too many "quality of life" questions can make you seem unsure about whether you'd want to live in their podunk college town; too few and you might seem disinterested in actually moving to their podunk college town (I say this as someone who lives in a podunk college town and has dealt with the full range of faculty and grad student applicants I need to convince to move here).
Same with alcohol: go with what everyone else is doing, but even if everyone else orders alcohol, don't get drunk. Also, I'd let the search committee people / current faculty at dinner take the lead on this: in my state we can't use state funds to pay for alcohol on official dinners, and there is diagreement amongst faculty in my dept and uni about whether that means anyone, including the candidate, should even be ALLOWED to order alcohol (even if they pay for it themselves). So, ordering alcohol might cause a simple logistical problem that's easier avoided. When I'm on such dinners, I usually explain this to the candidate ahead of time but at dinner offer to buy them a drink IF they'd like, on my own dime. After a full day or interviewing, many are glad to have a glass of wine etc. with dinner, and I think it shows I'm willing (as a representative of the department) to go the extra yard to make them feel comfortable.